R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
