Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
i think i just lost a toe
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