ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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