What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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