this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
