If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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