roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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