he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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