i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
