nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
