i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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