Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Randomize
