Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
