Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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