I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
