omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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