There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
