I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize