I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
