A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Randomize
