I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
