that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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