Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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