I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
