the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
