Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize