You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
