just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
