I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
They are going to name an STD after you.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
