Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
