Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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