Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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