You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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