Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize