i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
