Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
