yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
