I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I deserve this hangover.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
