Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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