Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
