What a fucking waste of an outfit
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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