What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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