Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
