This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
