he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
