Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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