I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
