so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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