someone threw a dead crab at me
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
