she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize