There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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