why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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