Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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