...so i touched it.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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