He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
