Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
