TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
