I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
