I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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