Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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