i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize