I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
