dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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