well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
