If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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