i don't like sucking hair
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
