He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
