See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
